Why is denial so appealing?

[nina]

I have seen a lot of people love denial, some absolutely hate it and some that have a love-hate relationship with this kink. For those into denial, what is it about this kink that excites you? What effect does it have on your sexual appetite, does it increase it or kill it?

Does your love for denial extend beyond denial of pleasure to say, being denied using other things like furniture/personal pronouns etc for instance? Also do you consider a control (and not a complete denial) of something also equally fun or does total denial have an edge?

Does this kink play a crucial role in your D/s dynamic or play and if yes, how?

For those who hate it, is there any specific reason why?

I know I am touching a lot of different topics related to denial, and also sorry for the novice questions.

Please share your thoughts and your personal experiences about this kink here and it need not be limited to only the discussion areas I have touched. Also feel free to enlighten us about some practical examples of how you did it, from your experiences or share your denial ideas in general so those enthusiastic can draw some inspiration.

 

[Doctor Pervert]

I would say from my experience that most of the subs I have dealt with that "liked" to be denied in various ways felt they lacked self control. This seems especially common with masturbation and/or orgasms, girls and women who confess to spending far too much time playing with themselves.
Consequently the thing I am most familiar with is working out various games designed to draw out or extend the time between orgasms, masturbation or indeed touching.
What's the payoff for them? A lot report that when they finally are allowed to play or cum it much more satisfying but I think this is the side that needs more feedback from the receivers.

 

[nina]

What's the payoff for them? A lot report that when they finally are allowed to play or cum it much more satisfying but I think this is the side that needs more feedback from the receivers.

thanks for adding your side of things, hope to get some responses from the receivers too, so we get a clearer picture.

 

[Randomo]

For me it's about the fact that I no longer have control. Just like when you are a kid and can't have a cookie so you build it up and when you finally get one it so satisfying, but when you can have one when ever it's like who cares. Still good but no build up.

 

[Lilly131]

This is hard to answer for me personally it isnt so much about the relase after being better becuase it kind of feels the same the times i have done it alone. But it is more about the mental side of things. I find i dont get physically interested at all unless i am mentally interested first. For me the idea of vanila sex stuff just seems boring and repetitive. The denial truns it into a game of sorts and keeps me mentally interested which keeps me physically interested so on some sides yes it does increase my desire for sexual play physically but that is only because it makes me think about it first. It makes it exciting because you dont know what will happen next but it is safe so it doesnt make you nervous. And there are some physical benifits in the way that is does make me more sensitive generally which again feeds back to me mentally keeping me playing the game.

 

[J91]

I have a lot to say about this particular topic.

I absolutely love denial and it is one of my biggest kinks. I agree with some of the comments made above by Lilly131, it is most definitely more about the mental aspect, and the physically side usually comes secondary to that. Denial keeps you ‘on your toes’ so to speak, and increases the desire for sexual play. I suppose it is a long term delayed gratification idea that you are gradually working towards something (ie. Being allowed to orgasm.) I remember my first stint with denial, and I absolutely hated it. It was only about a month, but it made me incredibly agitated. One of my more recent Domme’s introduced me to longer term denial at my own request, her reasoning being that it makes you generally more submissive and helps to get in the right mind-set. I was delayed for about four months, but could have easily gone longer, and I did in fact want to go longer. It does increase sensitivity, and makes play time much more interesting and keeps my mind much more focused on being submissive, as opposed to my own pleasure. I think it’s the one kink that I could not do without in any D/s relationship. Having said that, the proper execution of this is absolutely vital, and it needs to be handled correctly. Any Dominant that is attempting long term denial would need to understand the mental implications on the submissive (for me anyway), and how much it affects sensitivity during play.

Just as a side note, in my opinion denial is more about the process and the submission as opposed to the actual physical pleasure, but I know this will be subjective based on each persons particular tastes.

 

[Doctor Pervert]

If you look at this from the perspective of intimacy you see that by submitting to denial in its various forms you are giving someone else control of something most consider a very intimate and private part of yourself. In general most people don't discuss masturbation in particular with anyone other than those they are very intimate with.
While quite a few will discuss sex with partners to friends and sometimes even workmates, "I met this guy last night and he really fucked my brains out, it was epic" type thing they never seem to say "I got this awesome new vibrator yesterday and it just had me cumming all night". Well at least its not as common, lol...
So to then hand over this very private and intimate thing is quite a big act of submission, especially if that control is respected and followed to the point of denying yourself even when you desperately want to play.

It really is quite a defining thing to submit to.

 

[Lilly131]

I agree with J91 that is does make you feel more submissive. For me it makes me feel more inclined to try new things and to take risks. I suppose it is also about it being so intimate which is maybe where the extra submissive feelings come from. It is really like giving up a core type of control which can have an exciting edge to it.

 

[puppetmaster]

Just a technicality since it's clear what you mean from context, but I'm not sure that "lucrative" is the right word for what you're describing here (unless it's making you money somehow?)

 

[Dom6BDSM]

Sexual stimulation is one of the strongest feeling for a human being. Being exhited but NOT being allowed to finish creates a feeling of being less and only being there for the dom. Thus creating a sub feeling. Also the strong urge to have an orgasm is something that can be used to losen inhibitions and make the sub do action the sub otherwise would not dare to do.

However long term denial can lower the intensity of orgasms in the future. Since its after all is muscles contractions and thus a somewhat regulated training of the muscles is needed to keep them strong. So long term denial can give a need of some training those muscles beween denials so the subs longing for them is strong when denial starts anew.

For service subs so there a huge drive to stay chaste and keep being in denial that a orgasm after some months will often be a let down. Both physical and mentally. But its also a strong emotion to be able to stay in denial for so long time and gives them a purpose and something to strive for. They will often beg to be able to stay in denial for longer and longer times.

Some do denial short term usually for days or max a week, but other do them for many week or months and some even go more then a year.

As a dom I love the feeling of power over a sub that gives me the right to decide of her orgasms.

 

[nina]

Just a technicality since it's clear what you mean from context, but I'm not sure that "lucrative" is the right word for what you're describing here (unless it's making you money somehow?)

I get your point, I did mean appealing (or rewarding in terms of heightened pleasure attained from orgasm after denial period ends?) but maybe wrong choice of words on my part. I have changed it now to appealing. Thanks for pointing it out

 

[lucicle22]

Sorry I am so late to this.

For me I don't like it exactly but I don't dislike it either. I have had it used for a few things.

One was to stop me playing so often, I do play with myself alot. Having somebody else control them does mean it doesn't happen as often and they are more intense when you are finally allowed one.

Secondly it was used as a punishment almost. As long as I did as I was told then the pleasure would continue till I reached orgasm, but if I stopped or disobeyed then the pleasure would be removed essentially stopping the orgasm from building. This is really rough and does encourage you to behave as it's awful losing an orgasm.

 

[sciencegal]

My thoughts on denial are a bit different than the previous responses. Personally I like the idea of denial but don't usually enjoy it in practice. I've experimented with denial in the past, ranging from a few days to two months between orgasms. For me very short term denial is very effective, but the longer I go the more I lose my sexual drive. With short term denial you know that you are getting your "reward" in a day or two, so you're constantly anticipating that sweet release. But with long term you know it's not happening for a long, long time and that anticipation isn't there. For me I end up less aroused and don't want to play after that first month while in denial. Even two weeks pushes it for me. Currently I employ very short term denial if the desire arises, which it does not often. Delaying orgasm by a few hours or a day is the most I do these days. My play tends to be more about either experimentation or orgasm driven, and denial doesn't necessarily fit into my plans easily.

I do see the appeal of giving up control of your pleasure to your dominant as being a way to deepen the D/s dynamic. It's also something that is sort of expected in a D/s dynamic, especially in an online capacity. Taking control of your submissive's orgasms is one of the ways you can actually have a direct impact on their daily activities. Again the symbolism behind it is very powerful as well so it sort of sets the tone. That's more of an off-hand observation rather than a hard and fast rule though (obviously denial is a kink like any other and can be in your likes, dislikes, or limits and therefore should not be expected).

 

[Doctor Pervert]

For me very short term denial is very effective, but the longer I go the more I lose my sexual drive.

This is an interesting post, I tend to agree I find that using denial long term isnt anywhere near as effective as it is short time.
I am curious though are you describing total denial, no masturbation at all or orgasm denial? My experience is that when teamed with enforced edging orgasm denial can be especially tough on some, while others tend to float along without a problem as the edging is enough.
The ones that find it tough usually report getting super frustrated and constantly horny after just a couple of days.

 

[sciencegal]

I am curious though are you describing total denial, no masturbation at all or orgasm denial?

When I've done it in the past it's been orgasm denial with edging permitted. I don't enjoy no-touch restrictions, though they do add that mental element that drives me crazy. At least with edging I can get in the play that I desire (which is nice when I want to try something different), but without the benefit of an orgasm. I've only recently tried out no touch restrictions and knowing I can't touch when I want to was frustrating. The first session immediately after was quite a bit of fun, but I don't think it was more satisfying because of the build-up. At least for me.

 

[subkiki]

I love denial so much, it is probably my favourite thing ever. I am not exactly sure why I love it so much, but it just drives me absolutely wild.

The kind of denial that I practise with my Master is wearing a chastity device for most of our time together and then He denies me sex in my p***y.... I get anal only and it just makes me so extremely horny.

The longest I have been denied for was approx. 2 months and it was the best, in the end I didn't even really want to get anything because the feeling i felt while denied was so intense anyway.