Working together both physical and emotional in a kink

[JandJcuck]

I am a 33F in a long term relationship with a 35M. We practice what I would consider to be relatively light cuckold play. I have a Tinder and I'll find other men to fuck and generally, the premise is to find someone who fucks me better than my partner. For the most part, it's always been about just finding someone physically better, but not someone emotionally better. We decided to move into finding someone who would make love to me better than him. Last week we accomplished this - and ran into a snag. The general issue is that I fucked someone where it very much felt like making love - and when we are having our bonding sex together after, this turns us both on to discuss during the sex and he enjoys hearing me tell him that the person is my best sex and a better lover. But once our sex is over, it becomes a problem where he is emotionally upset over me having found someone who actually is a better lover than him.

He enjoys the power play where I find someone who physically outperforms him - and that is fine because then he gets to be the best at the emotional sex. He desires for me to cuck him with someone who is a better lover, emotionally, but once the cuckold games are over, he finds it difficult to "work into his framework" the idea that someone truly is a better lover than him.

How does one work together both the physical and emotional pieces of the cuckold game? We don't know if there is some kind of method to letting this be a part of the games without it bothering him after everything is said and done, or perhaps, if some people are just not wired for certain things to work long term. We have zero issues with how it starts - me finding someone, cucking him with the idea that this person may be my best, me going over, having the best sex, then fucking him right after and telling him that the person was my best sex - it's only after once the kink game is done that it's an issue. We had a very intense fight that spanned several days over this trying to figure it out. I thought maybe joining a kink board and asking others would be a good place to start.

 

[FadedxDharma]

Do you think it could be a jealousy issue that is popping up afterwards? I mean, it all sounds fine until the game is over and the actual brain kicks in and starts steering some of the feelings...

 

[Doctor Pervert]

Hopefully you will get some responses from others into the cuckolding kink but for what it's worth here's my two cents.

It seems to me you guys have found your risk thrill activity. As you no doubt know, humans love to do risky activities, it gets the heart pumping and gives a heightened sense of awareness. Going really fast, sky diving, rock climbing and so on are all physical risk activities but there are also lots of emotional risk activities too.

One I have experience with here, as I have to deal with the fallout is exposure kink. People who get a risk thrill from showing themselves off naked is common enough. The most common forms are exhibitionists who like to risk being seen naked in public but it also extends to online with those showing off photos of themselves.

Where this goes wrong is when the regret phase hits, the high wears off, the inevitable sub drop kicks in and suddenly the reality that there are photos of you circulating on the web becomes really scary and no longer a thrill.

It sounds to me like you guys are proceeding through a similar emotional cycle. It's all fine and a super high during the play but when the high wears off he's hitting an emotional low, a sub drop, that is just as deep as the high is high. Now if this is a typical sub drop you need to treat it like a mini bout of depression, the low is not truly representative of the situation, it's a result of the chemicals in the brain.

No doubt the reality is you guys are bonded and there no chance you will leave him for one of these cuck fucks, they are just there for the thrill, right? So what's really needed is some very careful aftercare, keep the play time segregated and switch it off as soon as you see him starting to drop. During this phase keep the focus on him and build him up by supporting him emotionally for as long as it takes to bring him back out of the drop. Normally the chemically induced low will only last for an hour or so, however without support this can extend into a longer term problem as it self reinforces dragging on for hours or days.

I have seen this kind of long running sub drop happen in subs who play online. Guided BDSM can become quite intense and for some, too intense resulting in a severe sub drop. With no physical support such as cuddling and soothing talk it can develop into a feeling of intense regret and some report feeling bad for days.

As I said at the beginning this is only my opinion based on what you've written but hopefully it will give you something to think about and if we get some feedback from others in the cuck kink you may get some answers.

 

[Fade2Black]

I am a 33F in a long term relationship with a 35M. We practice what I would consider to be relatively light cuckold play. I have a Tinder and I'll find other men to fuck and generally, the premise is to find someone who fucks me better than my partner. For the most part, it's always been about just finding someone physically better, but not someone emotionally better. We decided to move into finding someone who would make love to me better than him. Last week we accomplished this - and ran into a snag. The general issue is that I fucked someone where it very much felt like making love - and when we are having our bonding sex together after, this turns us both on to discuss during the sex and he enjoys hearing me tell him that the person is my best sex and a better lover. But once our sex is over, it becomes a problem where he is emotionally upset over me having found someone who actually is a better lover than him.

He enjoys the power play where I find someone who physically outperforms him - and that is fine because then he gets to be the best at the emotional sex. He desires for me to cuck him with someone who is a better lover, emotionally, but once the cuckold games are over, he finds it difficult to "work into his framework" the idea that someone truly is a better lover than him.

How does one work together both the physical and emotional pieces of the cuckold game? We don't know if there is some kind of method to letting this be a part of the games without it bothering him after everything is said and done, or perhaps, if some people are just not wired for certain things to work long term. We have zero issues with how it starts - me finding someone, cucking him with the idea that this person may be my best, me going over, having the best sex, then fucking him right after and telling him that the person was my best sex - it's only after once the kink game is done that it's an issue. We had a very intense fight that spanned several days over this trying to figure it out. I thought maybe joining a kink board and asking others would be a good place to start.

Hey, I am in a very similar situation. I think we could help each other out if you’re interested in talking. We can chat here or private message. Lmk

 

[andrei]

I think if you want to achieve a cuckold fetish you need to find someone like a male prostitute. Dunno.

Nevermind that. In your relation if he feels bad about the situation, give him a little time and suggest to spend a little time making love to you and praise him like he did the same good job as the guy did (meanwhile guide him into anything you want, pulling his hair to guide him is a good thing, he will be fine after a better experience with you). You can bring him back to his alpha state again, just making him trust in himself.

I really think simple this is solvable when you somehow make him trust you that your sex life is very ok as it is.