Wow BDSM has a steep learning curve

[Awesomeffect]

Thats not it at all, i just want a sub that will trust me to lead, about the pleasing thing, this is where we diverge greatly, i do not hold my sub responsible for my pleasure.

Let me go on a tangent here and talk about something i was meaning to bring up but there was no opportunity as of yet, there was a time about 3 to 4 years ago when i was big into PUA stuff, and this is interesting because for those who were not in it basically it is distilled version of BDSM watered down enough so that vanilla people could swallow it, many of the founders were themselves into BDSM and they took out most of the kinky stuff (though some remained for those who can see it). But one sentence that got stuck in my head from that time is this "Abusive man demands respect, dominant man commands respect".

That is what i meant when i said i thought Ff and Fm relationships differed from Mf, in Mf IMO there is still a residue of that traditional relationship, and i know this to be true from the various blogs and ads i ran across, that many female subs who seek male doms want this element of safety that comes with it, they want a dom who's strength of personality is so great he gets her to submit to him without even trying.

Of course this is for the most part just an act, nobody can maintain this sort of presence indefinitely but one can work towards it.

And let me be clear too that i don't seek some emotionless doll, just the opposite, my goal is to allow my sub to experience full range of emotions, with me acting as a sort of safe harbor, a solid rock for her to hold on to, this i see as very important since such strong emotions can be overwhelming.

I also don't expect us to get there overnight, i am sure it will take a long time for my sub to trust me enough to relax completely in my presence, i read some time ago that for most women it is impossible to achieve orgasm if they are not relaxed, and that is what i want, i want to be able to make my sub cum at my command, i want her to feel my every touch like fire, that is my goal. Is that realistic or not, IDK, but that is what i strive for.

ok sorry here I think you've made a terrible misunderstanding I said I believe that as a domme it is my job to ensure that my sub is enjoying each session to the fullest, never did I say it's a subs job to please the master/mistress, I did however say that as a sub (because I'm a switch so I enjoy both roles) I believe it is my job to please the domme, but just because I think that is my job when I am a sub doesn't mean I expect/think subs should fit that role when I am a domme.

now then this quote "Abusive man demands respect, dominant man commands respect". is rather interesting, but I also think this is wrong as well, it makes one infer a fairly ignorant view that there is only one true way for a man to be dominant. however I believe I am starting to come to an understanding about you as a person on a more fundamental level. hmm, though still honestly speaking you are wrong about that difference at least with F and F relationships in both life and bdsm. for instance I have had a girl friend for several years now that I'm in a bdsm relationship with... in many ways we still share this same sort of emotional anchoring that you speak of... this is just simply a fundamental part of any real intimate relationship. that said I will admit that when romance isn't involved or if it isn't intended from the get go F and F bdsm experiences tend to feel more like two kinky friends though there is more respect for the domme and less joking around it doesn't feel like there is any form of emotional support required... until as I said romance starts to play a part in the relationship as at that point the sub will usually rely on the domme a lot more for emotional support

 

[Mars1991]

ok sorry here I think you've made a terrible misunderstanding I said I believe that as a domme it is my job to ensure that my sub is enjoying each session to the fullest, never did I say it's a subs job to please the master/mistress, I did however say that as a sub (because I'm a switch so I enjoy both roles) I believe it is my job to please the domme, but just because I think that is my job when I am a sub doesn't mean I expect/think subs should fit that role when I am a domme.

now then this quote "Abusive man demands respect, dominant man commands respect". is rather interesting, but I also think this is wrong as well, it makes one infer a fairly ignorant view that there is only one true way for a man to be dominant. however I believe I am starting to come to an understanding about you as a person on a more fundamental level. hmm, though still honestly speaking you are wrong about that difference at least with F and F relationships in both life and bdsm. for instance I have had a girl friend for several years now that I'm in a bdsm relationship with... in many ways we still share this same sort of emotional anchoring that you speak of... this is just simply a fundamental part of any real intimate relationship. that said I will admit that when romance isn't involved or if it isn't intended from the get go F and F bdsm experiences tend to feel more like two kinky friends though there is more respect for the domme and less joking around it doesn't feel like there is any form of emotional support required... until as I said romance starts to play a part in the relationship as at that point the sub will usually rely on the domme a lot more for emotional support

Well surely there is more then one way, this is just my thinking, this conversation of ours made me think of this scene from the Lion king movie: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bW7PlTaawfQ may be relevant.

 

[DomW/HEART]

It's uncanny

@curiouslyintereste You seem to be seeking the same type of fem Sub as I want in a male sub, to just trust me with the position wants me to fulfill. If I have to chase him for his attention I might as well just keep having relatively unsatisfying sexual relationships with men who don't even know how to be vulnerable, muchless desire it. I'm having trouble articulating my thoughts on it all to him for sure, since he's so skittish and until we've had a meeting of the minds I can't bring myself to assume his particular preferences, whether he will be turned on or repulsed by verbal shaming, or if he is just interested in things more like what you mentioned PUA type stuff. If I make the assumption that he's into an intense experience and he's just wanting to be tied up and spanked a little bit, I inadvertently become the submissive for the same reasons I am so averse being submissive. Then he has all the control and I'm more vulnerable than ever. Since you've invested much more and over time done so much more research, do you have any insights you might be able to share with me?
I hope someone like those who responded to the original post on this thread and who has the experience to give such thorough responses and explanations as they were able to for you will be able to weigh in and shed some light on this situation for me, but I'm also interested in your thoughts since you seem to want the same basic things from your sub as I do, yet you have a male brain, so maybe there's something you can contribute that would be of assistance to my being able to wrap my head around the situation, but also to regain my control of my mental rumination and preoccupation with what I did or didn't do that allowed him to take my power away again. That's the opposite of what I want from him.
He was all in servitude mode when he got here last night asking to once again make me dinner, clean up, fix anything etc., but when I brought up the need for a discussion before we could proceed he went on the defensive again (passively at first), and was suspicious of my intentions ( it was all over his face). If he trusted me enough to tell me something so personal to him, and express interest in bondage at least, then why would he resist the foundation laying necessary to actually fulfill his desires? Is he just a masochist to the extent that he actually wants me to reject him or will that only reinforce his self-loathing while also making it impossible to be gratified because I'm done wasting my time on him ? Does his obstinance mean that he certainly wants to be shamed into submission? How do I know what his real boundaries are until he can submit to my conditions for the arrangement between mutually respecting equals?
It's been hard to find much info on Fem Doms that aren't either married, looking to hook up online, or are very experienced at being a Dom, and I can only be dominate in a relationship in the same way he can be submissive: in a safe zone of some kind where the rules have been established. It's just getting there that's the problem
Please help, I'm so pissed that he got my head again and he's not even here. I know I haven't been consistently dominate with him, but damn it's not like I knew what he wanted to begin with, nor have I ever done this before so I don't know what the hell to make of any of it right now, and my brain isn't a fan of unanswered questions. I don't want to once again respond the way I would have before, just to continue the rollercoaster I really don't have the time or energy to deal with. I need to either get him to behave or be done with the whole thing. I am a strong woman, I just have my own issues to deal with, you know?
I know I already said this, but for the sake of emphasis: this is the opposite of what I want from him. [/B]

 

[Mars1991]

@curiouslyintereste You seem to be seeking the same type of fem Sub as I want in a male sub, to just trust me with the position wants me to fulfill. If I have to chase him for his attention I might as well just keep having relatively unsatisfying sexual relationships with men who don't even know how to be vulnerable, muchless desire it. I'm having trouble articulating my thoughts on it all to him for sure, since he's so skittish and until we've had a meeting of the minds I can't bring myself to assume his particular preferences, whether he will be turned on or repulsed by verbal shaming, or if he is just interested in things more like what you mentioned PUA type stuff. If I make the assumption that he's into an intense experience and he's just wanting to be tied up and spanked a little bit, I inadvertently become the submissive for the same reasons I am so averse being submissive. Then he has all the control and I'm more vulnerable than ever. Since you've invested much more and over time done so much more research, do you have any insights you might be able to share with me?
I hope someone like those who responded to the original post on this thread and who has the experience to give such thorough responses and explanations as they were able to for you will be able to weigh in and shed some light on this situation for me, but I'm also interested in your thoughts since you seem to want the same basic things from your sub as I do, yet you have a male brain, so maybe there's something you can contribute that would be of assistance to my being able to wrap my head around the situation, but also to regain my control of my mental rumination and preoccupation with what I did or didn't do that allowed him to take my power away again. That's the opposite of what I want from him.
He was all in servitude mode when he got here last night asking to once again make me dinner, clean up, fix anything etc., but when I brought up the need for a discussion before we could proceed he went on the defensive again (passively at first), and was suspicious of my intentions ( it was all over his face). If he trusted me enough to tell me something so personal to him, and express interest in bondage at least, then why would he resist the foundation laying necessary to actually fulfill his desires? Is he just a masochist to the extent that he actually wants me to reject him or will that only reinforce his self-loathing while also making it impossible to be gratified because I'm done wasting my time on him ? Does his obstinance mean that he certainly wants to be shamed into submission? How do I know what his real boundaries are until he can submit to my conditions for the arrangement between mutually respecting equals?
It's been hard to find much info on Fem Doms that aren't either married, looking to hook up online, or are very experienced at being a Dom, and I can only be dominate in a relationship in the same way he can be submissive: in a safe zone of some kind where the rules have been established. It's just getting there that's the problem
Please help, I'm so pissed that he got my head again and he's not even here. I know I haven't been consistently dominate with him, but damn it's not like I knew what he wanted to begin with, nor have I ever done this before so I don't know what the hell to make of any of it right now, and my brain isn't a fan of unanswered questions. I don't want to once again respond the way I would have before, just to continue the rollercoaster I really don't have the time or energy to deal with. I need to either get him to behave or be done with the whole thing. I am a strong woman, I just have my own issues to deal with, you know?
I know I already said this, but for the sake of emphasis: this is the opposite of what I want from him. [/B]

To be honest i find it a little hard to understand male submissives since i myself have nary a shred of submission in me, so take what i say with a grain of salt, but basically IMHO men respond a lot better to action then to words, you need to understand that about men, we don't talk much, i mean i do but that is because i also think much so even tiny bit of what i say seems a lot to a normal person, but i digress, us men are trained to always be in control from the moment we start walking, maybe he just wants to be told what to do, no questions asked, i am a Vet technician by trade, and one thing Vets always say is how much harder their job is because they cant just ask the animal what is wrong with it, where it hurts and stuff, they have to probe and find out the other way. Maybe you could try approaching this as a Vet would, instead of trying to coax it out of him (which he clearly showed unresponsive to) try probing and observe the reactions, then calibrate after the fact. You also need to know that men have a lot more pronounced personality changes when they are shot up full of testosterone, i observed this phenomenon on myself, so what he says when he is horny, the moment he ejaculates throw all of that out, the change is rather drastic so don't go assuming, what he says to you in this small window of about 5 to 10 minutes you can be certain is true.

And for taking back control, well sometimes you just have to go with my way or the highway, if he wants you to dominate him but he is unwilling to relinquish any control then he is just mooching off of you emotionally, sometimes you have to go with "do this as i say or we are trough", does not have to be anything big for the first time but you need to establish some authority so you have something to work with.

 

[teenslaveboy1]

I am under all females even female slaves

Females rule the world when they say cum... i cum... when they say eat... i start licking

 

[angelatheexposer]

Find a 'normal' girl and turn her to the dark side

Theres a reason 50 shades of grey was read by millions of women... It's what most of us want... But they are not going to post on websites...

Learn 'game'