I never “decided" to be submissive. I “am" submissive. It's not a choice for me. It's part of my identity and has been since I was a lot younger.
Its easy for anyone to say "I'm a submissive" but then they run a mile when things get heavy. People in the "vanilla" world don't understand it from in our perspectives they've seen the ridiculous movies like fifty shades and think I can do that its easy.
I imagine that anyone outside of the BDSM lifestyle, especially those who don’t practice Dominance and submission look at those of us on the inside as strange creatures from another planet
Actually, I’d say they look at submissives that way. Dominants make more sense, don’t they? Dominants are in control and have all the power. They get what they want, when they want it.
What does a submissive get out of any of it, other than kinky sex*?
People on the outside looking in on any dynamic, relationship, lifestyle, or situation only see what’s on the surface. In this case, a strong Dominant standing over a kneeling, naked submissive. He’s in charge. He’s powerful, and she’s weak.
I guess that’s what it would look like from the outside. But, as with most things, that view doesn’t consider the thoughts, emotions, feelings, conversations, negotiations, and inner voices that guide all of us.
A submissive is given a command by their Dominant. What does it mean? What is it for? Is a Dom just a power-hungry bully and is a submissive weak-willed and simpering with no thoughts of their own? Every command should have a purpose – from kinky fun to something deeper. A submissive’s willingness to comply can come from multiple places.
“Spread your legs. Don’t move.”
That moment could be a spanking or a bit of kinky fun. The submissive wants the release of endorphins and the pain. The Dominant wants to exert ultimate control and make physical, mental, and emotional contact with their partner. At the same time, maintaining a position keeps them both safe from accidental harm. One wrong angle, and real damage can be done when partners play rough. It’s a power play, a means to a kinky end, and a safety measure.
Look at it from a different perspective, though. That moment could be a test of wills. A Dominant places their submissive into a position and expects them to maintain it until they release them. Let’s be real, if they weren’t willing, they could walk away at any moment. The reasons a submissive maintains that position vary: they’re turned on by pleasing their Dominant; they’re stubborn and refuse to falter before their Dom gives the word; they know that compliance will yield a greater prize later. Who knows what a particular sub’s reasons might be, but none of them are based on weakness. Their own integrity keeps them in place, regardless of any other reason.
Submission isn’t a two-dimensional act done by an unthinking robot or a weak-willed person who requires guidance to get through their day and life. No, submission requires thought, consent, and integrity, as well as the understanding that there’s a reason for everything that happens.
D/s is both simple and complex. Simply put, it’s a power exchange between two willing partners. The Dominant makes the rules, sets the course, and takes on the responsibility of the care of another human being. Submissives follow the rules, serve their Dominant, and should provide constant feedback in the form of continued consent, safe words, and sharing their thoughts and feelings about the experiences they’re having. Each has their part to play, and both have their own kind of power. There is no D/s without both partners willingly engaging – they’re equal but different.
Its easy for anyone to say "I'm a submissive" but then they run a mile when things get heavy. People in the "vanilla" world don't understand it from in our perspectives they've seen the ridiculous movies like fifty shades and think I can do that its easy.
I imagine that anyone outside of the BDSM lifestyle, especially those who don’t practice Dominance and submission look at those of us on the inside as strange creatures from another planet
Actually, I’d say they look at submissives that way. Dominants make more sense, don’t they? Dominants are in control and have all the power. They get what they want, when they want it.
What does a submissive get out of any of it, other than kinky sex*?
People on the outside looking in on any dynamic, relationship, lifestyle, or situation only see what’s on the surface. In this case, a strong Dominant standing over a kneeling, naked submissive. He’s in charge. He’s powerful, and she’s weak.
I guess that’s what it would look like from the outside. But, as with most things, that view doesn’t consider the thoughts, emotions, feelings, conversations, negotiations, and inner voices that guide all of us.
A submissive is given a command by their Dominant. What does it mean? What is it for? Is a Dom just a power-hungry bully and is a submissive weak-willed and simpering with no thoughts of their own? Every command should have a purpose – from kinky fun to something deeper. A submissive’s willingness to comply can come from multiple places.
“Spread your legs. Don’t move.”
That moment could be a spanking or a bit of kinky fun. The submissive wants the release of endorphins and the pain. The Dominant wants to exert ultimate control and make physical, mental, and emotional contact with their partner. At the same time, maintaining a position keeps them both safe from accidental harm. One wrong angle, and real damage can be done when partners play rough. It’s a power play, a means to a kinky end, and a safety measure.
Look at it from a different perspective, though. That moment could be a test of wills. A Dominant places their submissive into a position and expects them to maintain it until they release them. Let’s be real, if they weren’t willing, they could walk away at any moment. The reasons a submissive maintains that position vary: they’re turned on by pleasing their Dominant; they’re stubborn and refuse to falter before their Dom gives the word; they know that compliance will yield a greater prize later. Who knows what a particular sub’s reasons might be, but none of them are based on weakness. Their own integrity keeps them in place, regardless of any other reason.
Submission isn’t a two-dimensional act done by an unthinking robot or a weak-willed person who requires guidance to get through their day and life. No, submission requires thought, consent, and integrity, as well as the understanding that there’s a reason for everything that happens.
D/s is both simple and complex. Simply put, it’s a power exchange between two willing partners. The Dominant makes the rules, sets the course, and takes on the responsibility of the care of another human being. Submissives follow the rules, serve their Dominant, and should provide constant feedback in the form of continued consent, safe words, and sharing their thoughts and feelings about the experiences they’re having. Each has their part to play, and both have their own kind of power. There is no D/s without both partners willingly engaging – they’re equal but different.
